My Story

My Story

November 15, 2016.

If I were to choose what the happiest day of my life was before I met Christ it would take me a short while to answer. There were many. Although not one topped the other, they were all just a collection of equally happy birthdays, travels, time with family and friends, moments that would make me feel warm inside and just lucky to have experienced them.

But undeniably, if I were to choose the worst day of my life it would be the day I lost my mother. And I don't mean the day she died. I'm talking about the day I heard from the doctor that she had high stage pancreatic cancer followed by her defeated repetition of, "Oh no. Oh no. Oh no."

Everything happened so fast. Before my eyes I knew my life would change yet again.

Unseemingly, it already changed the day I lost my younger brother, Kevin, to lymphoma leukemia (still cancer) 8 years ago. He was 13. I was 16. I told myself he wouldn't die. That God wouldn't take him away from us, because I couldn't imagine a life without him. It was all just too unreal.

But now they're both gone.

Their time was up.

No one ever forgets the worst days of their life.

Maybe there was something about seeing the people that I love the most being taken from me right before my eyes. Death was so close to my door that it not only robbed me of my family but of my life as well. I was completely and utterly numb that living felt so meaningless. I didn't care about anyone or anything. I was emotionless and empty. I felt like everything around me fell quiet that all I could hear was the sound of my consciousness throbbing against the shell of this existence called my body. 

Yes, death was here. But it wasn't physical. I died to myself, spiritually.

But little did I know that this was just the tragic end to a beginning of a new life that would re-define the 20 years of my existence forever.

Paul wrote in Philippians 1:21, "For to live is Christ, and to die is gain."

This verse wouldn't have made any sense to me before as it does now. When I lost myself, I found God. Moreover, God found me where I was at. It turns out, He was just waiting this whole time and I didn't know. John Eldredge wrote on his book on 'Desire', as quoted by A.W. Tozer, "God waits to be wanted." 

But how could I want someone I didn't know? 

I think it was weeks after my mother's passing that I went to church for the first time after what felt like a long time. I took the bike there because we lived so close to one of the local catholic church, and parked it on the side. I lit up a few candles and was about to pray when I realized I didn't know how. There was a prayer about peace posted on one of the church's pillars just in front of me and I started reading it aloud to pray. Halfway through it, I realized that I didn't know what I was praying so I stopped and told God the shortest but most Effective prayer I ever prayed in my life,

"God. If you are real, prove it."

With that I went home without realizing how that prayer I made moved God's hands.

Desperation

Later that week I became so unsettled. I wanted to find answers. I knew there had to be answers even if I didn't know what questions to ask. After the wave of death and emptiness, a new feeling took its toll; I was desperate.

We just had our school acquaintance party where the people my age would be graduating college that year. It was a milestone for them and I wanted to be there to see everyone before they all move on to the next chapter of their lives. A few days after, with everyone from that night still so fresh in my memory, amidst my desperation for answers, someone's name popped into my mind as if God Himself was leading me. It was a girl who I got acquainted with in the party. We knew each other because of our many mutual friends but we never really talked until then. All I knew about her in that very moment, was that she was a Christian.

I asked for her contact number from a mutual friend and texted her. I asked her if we could meet, because I wanted to know more about God.

I couldn't wait any longer so I went to where she was.

We talked as I told her everything that happened to me.

The hair on my arms started to raise when she said that she specifically prayed for this.

Her words were, I will paraphrase, "I prayed for at least one person in that acquaintance party to find God. And Chris, I never thought it would be you."

We laughed as we talked and that night I attended my first D-group (Discipleship group).

Hunger

I started attending CCF (Christ Commission Fellowship) and there I started getting fed as a baby Christian. I would always look forward to every Saturday Elevate where we would sing songs to the Lord and then listen to a speaker talk about God. Then we would break out into groups. I was automatically surrounded with people who loved the Lord and were seeking Him.

It was a different world and I felt myself slowly changing little by little. 

Change

Change is a step by step process. First it was my cussing, then it was my hair, then it was my clothes. It was never easy. The most challenging part for me was when my relationships started to break without me even doing anything intentional to witness such unusual turn of events. 

Then God changed my church. It was through a conference in Pampangga last April 2014 when God first spoke to me through the bible. He told me of my life story through 2 Corinthians 7:5-13:

New International Version (NIV)

5 For when we came into Macedonia, we had no rest, but we were harassed at every turn—conflicts on the outside, fears within. 6 But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus, 7 and not only by his coming but also by the comfort you had given him. He told us about your longing for me, your deep sorrow, your ardent concern for me, so that my joy was greater than ever.

8 Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it—I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while—9 yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. 10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 11 See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter. 12 So even though I wrote to you, it was neither on account of the one who did the wrong nor on account of the injured party, but rather that before God you could see for yourselves how devoted to us you are. 13 By all this we are encouraged.

I was dumbfounded. 

This God is real. He's not dead. He talked to me! 

I couldn't believe what just transpired before my eyes. I saw something that was not normal; It was Spiritual. I was seeking Him. And He answered me.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

Matthew 7:7 NIV.

The Pampangga conference went on for 5 days. In the 4th day there was a session different from all the other sermon-sessions. It was a a session called the Filling of the Holy Spirit meeting.

What is this? I didn't really mind asking what it was in detail at that time. Although I wish I did when it was already happening. But looking back, I'm glad I didn't because it caught me by surprise in a really good way. 

It was a meeting where we would just pray and seek God's face. We would sing songs on our seats the whole time and worship. It was really all normal at first until people from random seats started screaming like crazy! I was petrified. What is happening? I just wanted to go out of the room that very moment but I couldn't because I was in the middle of the row with so much people standing, kneeling, shouting, and crying around me. I looked at my sister who was rows away from me and she looked back at me with the same confusion I had. (or maybe mine was more).

I couldn't do anything. Feeling helpless with my situation I closed my eyes and prayed for God to help me.

The weirdest thing happened.

Tears started falling from my eyes! 

I was crying, but I wasn't sad. 

It was the Holy Spirit filling me as a wave of peace washed over me and I felt unafraid.

Everything that happened to me from then on started to get drastic.

I found myself calling my boyfriend at that time and telling him this over the phone,

"I don't know why I'm calling. But I just wanted you to know that I'm a Christian now. And when I go back to Cebu, Everything will change."

Looking back I knew that I was compelled by the Holy Spirit to make that call.

Sure enough, when I went back to my hometown, everything changed even more drastically.

I got baptized on July 13, 2014 in CCGC (Cebu Christian Gospel Center). This was the happiest day of my life.

The Price of following Christ

Despite every pain I had to go through to get where I am right now, I can say that it was all worth it.

I'm a 2 year old Christian now and so much has happened since I encountered Jesus.

I loved and I lost. I lost people who were important to me. I was convicted to stop my flourishing online business at that time. And I had to go through so much darkness in my disobedience as I tried with every ounce of my being to fight for the light that gave me this new life.

I had to battle depression. And so much more just because I didn't obey this one single thing that God told me to do. He wanted me to let go of something that I cherished more than Him but didn't know the extent to that idolatry yet at that time. I prayed so hard and God always revealed things to me. He showed me things that I wouldn't normally see if I didn't ask Him for it. It hurt a lot. But it also brought me closer and closer to Him. I depended on Him for strength because I was so out of it. I drained every ounce of emotional strength I had left for someone God didn't want me to be with. I was going through hell and back but I allowed it. This was on me.

Move

After 2 years of battling with the same disobedience, God has finally set me free.

"And what he has set free is free indeed." John 8:36.

He led me to this conference that changed my Christian walk.

He was ushering me into a new season where I would experience Him MORE. What happened to me in this One Thing 2016 conference was unfathomable.

*click to view:

My Testimony - One Thing Conference 2016

Calling

In this conference God gave me a calling. He told me to go to Canada and have my DTS (Discipleship Training School) there with YWAM/Youth with a Mission. I didn't embrace this with the most opened arms at first because it was too radical of a decision to make. One huge factor was that I also still had a few remaining subjects left in college which I intended to finish that time on the coming semester of June 2016. So after some thought I told Him I would do what He wanted me to do, after I graduate. But He was very intentional with me and told  me to do this, This Year. After much much more Words, meditation, Spiritual experiences, countless confirmation and extremely strong circumstances, I finally yielded in surrender and said YES. 

After which I experienced Him GREATLY for the months that came after my obedience, EVERY SINGLE DAY. 

Close

Not everyone will understand your walk. Not everyone will understand your calling. Because it is God who calls you, not man. Not even family, nor friends, nor Christians will fully understand, because a relationship is very personal. 

To summarize, I did everything He told me to do to prepare for Canada, to which He aided me with every step of the way. Divine favors came. Circumstances were profoundly working towards the call. The journey of preparation itself was just amazing. God was being very intentional with all this. I thought about how much He wanted this for me and I was very excited.
But when the result for the Canadian visa application arrived, I was refused. The mail I was holding from the immigration office stated that I lacked papers, But, I was free to re-apply again. Then I found out that a refusal is different from being declined.
I wasn't declined, I was refused.
It's not a no, just a Not Now.

God knows I wasn't ready to go yet. I wasn't ready financially, and emotionally. But He blessed my willingness greatly and had everything prepared for me this year for the next season of my walk with Him which will be next Spring 2017 in which I plan to go to the DTS (If God wills it). 

Currently, He is training me with so many things in line to His call for me. He is dealing with me emotionally and spiritually. Financially, I'm not quite there yet but if this is really His will for me then  I am confident that HE WILL PROVIDE.

As I write this I just want to say that obedience at the moment is never a sure thing for us Christians. When God tells us to do something it doesn't mean that we have it all figured out, because we never will. We only find things out step by step as we walk in faith through the leading of the Holy Spirit. And as we continue to trust that His plans for us is to prosper us and not to harm us, but to give us a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11), Abundance and Blessings always follow. 

This is a story about who God is and what He does to a human heart.

This is a story of change, and bewilderment, and excitement on what the future holds
for those whose trust is in the Lord.

I will be updating from time to time.

I will also be writing about some experiences I had that has really blessed and molded me to this very day. 

If this has blessed you, I praise God. 

It's in my inability to get things done right that I am able to depend on Him completely for the strength to write this testimony. It's not an easy thing to tell the world your story with the probability of getting judged and vulnerable. But Jesus didn't die on that cross for my feelings. He died so I can have life and life abundantly. I was dead to my sin before He found me. I was lost but now I'm found, and I owe it all to the One who paid the ultimate price to set me free.

"He who is, and who was, and who is to come" Revelation 1:8 NIV.

I am looking forward to the day where I get to see Him Face to Face.

But for now I will glorify Him through my writing.

It's not much, but if my testimonies can bring people to the truth, or even just closer to it, and open prison doors, then I will keep on shining His light, just to bring glory to the name that is the name of all names, Jesus.

None of me, but all of Him.

To God be the glory.